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My home owner's association sent us a letterTo say they had a way of making Halloween betterAnd safer and more fun for everyone involvedAnd completely non-offensive, it makes sense, problem solvedI didn't know there was a problem, but OKAnd this probably won't affect my plans in any waySo let's see what they say, I read a little moreAnd saw my kids could only trick or treat from three o'clock to fourDecoration limit, two pumpkins per yardAnd knives are dangerous, so they can't be carvedAnd no devils, or anything satanic or moroseAnd even nothing made of satin 'cause it sounds too closeTo make sure nobody gets offended or upsetWe've got some guidelines here for what costumes you can getNo witches, they promote witchcraft, as doesHarry Potter, Bewitched, and The Wizard of OzNo aliens, monsters, mutants, or cannibalsAnd werewolves promote cruelty to animalsVampires might make a kid too scaredAnd zombies are offensive to the living impairedNo Freddy, no Jason, in fact they can't beCharacters from films they aren't old enough to seeNo commercial characters like Spongebob or SupermanAnd no ghosts, the sheets look too much like the KlanFigure skaters show way too much skinAnd Dora The Explorer's an illegal alienLetras de cancionesOK, so how about a duck?! Anyone have a problemWith my kid dressing up like a duck?! HUH?!We can't give out candy 'cause it makes the kids fatJust stickers and fruit and maybe that granola crapI was stunned, is this really how they want it run?It's politically correct and not a damn bit of fun[howl]... : I'm sorry we can't allow that sound effect because it's too scary and might be upsetting to some of our younger listeners.[evil laugh]... : No, I'm sorry, the evil laughter perpetuates the stereotype of the mad scientist.[girl screams]... : Oh now that's just sexist! Why does the victim always have to be female?Surprisingly with all the things it said we couldn't doThe letter didn't say a word about bags of flaming pooSo guess what I got planned, and I hope they understand'Cause I'm throwing my own party and it will get out of handNo one will be allowed in, unlessThey are wearing a costume guaranteed to offendMaybe something like a walking pair of breast implantsOr a priest with an altar boy hanging from his pantsPeople showed up and I was very impressedWith my guests and how they decided to dressThere's Jess, she came as a messed up slutAnd there's George Lucas with a light saber up his buttAnd there's the most evil creature they sayA lawyer for the RIAAAnd I dressed up like the Honey Nut Cheerios BeeWhat? That little bugger scares the crap out of me[Frankenstein growl]... : Now do you really think a reanimated corpse is suitable for children?[owl sound]... : OK, that's better, but can you try something a little friendlier?[puppies yipping]... : Yeah, that's perfect! Now you've got it!Shoebox: Did you guys see Devo Spice's party!?Luke: Yeah, it was awesome! I went as a sodomi...Tom S: It was disgraceful, and completely against the rules!Luke: Er, yeah, it was...(sheepishly) awful.Shoebox: Next year we're gonna have to just ban Halloween for good and go right to Christma... er, Channuk... Kwan.. uh... you know, THAT time of year.Tom S: That sounds like a good idea. But how do we do it?Shoebox: Simple. We allow the residents to hang up their Holiday decorations at the beginning of October.(Tom S and Luke agree)Shoebox: OK, moving on. Unit number 47's front door is off-white, not white. This is against the rules. I vote we fine them $500 per day until they get it replaced. All in favor?Luke and Tom: Aye!Shoebox: Great. Now, the tree in front of unit 23 started changing colors 4 days before the rest of the trees in the neighborhood. This flagrant disregard for the rules can not go unpunished. I move that we make them tear it down and replace it with another tree that is on the proper fall foliage schedule. All in favor?Luke and Tom: Aye! From Letras Mania