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Hand job, Bland jobI-Don't-Understand job[Riki]I got a problem and I can't contain itI'll use my icky sticky rhymes to help explain itHandy Js are like Stonehenge to meRobert Stack can't even help me unsolve this mystery[Kate]I'm the messed up child of a baby boomerI was in the gifted class but a total late bloomerNow I got a secret to get off my chestWent from kissing to sex but never learned the rest[Riki]In high school, I was in the marching bandNot learning what to do with my handWhile other girls were dripping like a Jackson PollockI blossomed later than Mayim Bialik[Kate]I'm investigating bones like DeschanelTrying to make it stand up like Dave ChapelleWhen I stare down the barrel of a semi-hard dickI feel more singled out than Chris HardwickLetras de canciones[Riki]I studied Bach, Jacques Chirac, and Isaac AsimovBut I wasn't on the ski bus jerking people offWouldn't let you touch my chest like you're Vapo rubbing Vicks inLet alone deep throat your Tricky Dick Nixon[Kate]I wanna learn how to make your Watergates flowI'm resigned like Spiro Agnew that I might never knowHow to HJ your LB JohnsonKnow less about dicks than Samantha Ronson[Riki]I should have explored New Frontiers like Wil WheatonBut I was more conservative than Alex P. KeatonI've fallen into crisis just like the DowI wanna give a handjob but I don't know howHand job, Bland jobI-Don't-Understand jobDo I spit, do I squeeze, do I ever touch the top?How can I learn when you always make me stop?[Kate]Now I'm on a full-blown investigationTo unlock the secrets of ejaculationI need a translator like I'm reading BalzacTo crack the Rosetta Stone over your ball sack[Riki]The top is the part that confuses me the mostIt looks like a Silly Putty Pac Man ghostSometimes it's jello jiggling, sometimes it's denserBut they all look like a Darth Vader Pez dispenser[Kate]Like Sam Jackson, I'm not as good with ShaftWhen it's soft and flabby like President TaftIt's like a deep south queen that you wanna make straightWill I make it upright if I move it like a Shake Weight?Move it like a Shake WeightMove it like a Shake Weight[Riki]I'm pumping like breaks that aren't anti-lockTrying not to go psycho on your Alfred HitchcockI go a little faster and then I retardIt's like a hamster that you don't wanna squeeze too hard[Kate]I'm working my hand 'til it gets arthritisI'll be holdin' 'til I get the Golden Touch of Midas"I think, therefore I am"; getting my Descartes on'Til I fully comprehend your Marcia Gay Hard-on[Riki]But the biggest, throbbing question all'sSeriously, what do you do with the balls?Do I roll 'em like dice, do I mold them like clayDo I tickle them like Elmo, or throw 'em like a partay?[Kate]Do I move 'em all around or cup it slow?It's like the two bald critic puppets from the Muppet showJust sitting there cranky and superfluousHow 'bout I don't touch them unless you insist?Hand job, Bland jobI-Don't-Understand jobDo I spit, do I squeeze, do I ever touch the top?How can I learn when you always make me stop?How can I learn when you always make me stop? From Letras Mania