Alix Olson

8 X 10
i pass a sign on the post it says "stuffed monkey lost" i picture some sad face as she twists with empty arms and i understand cause i remember. that october day you followed me home and in a fit of innocence, i took you in you were a passionate skeptic with a dimpled smile you framed yourself so well you were a perfect 8 X 10 and now i am alphabetizing my correspondence for some reason and i'm guessing that's just meaning keeping track of who i've been you know time is just a grouchy vagrant slowly slouching past and i'm sneezing at the dust from all the things that haven't lasted he's laughing at me, time is laughing at me, cause in one of my piles, you suddenly just popped up a letter full of ellipses, like our history, all chopped up and it says you're crying uncle well i was never out to pin you down but i'm sputtering, i'm stuttering your words still blush me for a moment, now, so i stick you at the back of my stacks where i file your face in the brown box scribble-scrawled in black "things to fix, someday". yeah, we're wrapped in tissue paper in the attic of my mind Letras de cancionesyou and me like a bad homemovie, where the whites are sour green and the family hovers over buttered popcorn to fill in the details of each scene and the tape stock in my brain sticks together it feels so small and undignified of me to try and remember you, jogging circles around the gas pump in september racing back to the car, giddy and spent and we're kissing, kissing hard in front of the skinny full-service attendant, frowning or your arms in august full of firewood, a wildflower tucked like a cigarette behind your ear you're some boy-girl fifties moviestar, in my feature now appearing or weeping on my collarbone and pounding on my chest my half-broken heroine my restless 8 x 10 or that last day on the railroad tracks, we were two little campers we were swearing we'd write but with the wryness of counselors who had watched this promise happen every last night for years, and of course we misplaced our pledges, folded starshaped in bookbag bottoms somewhere, "will you remember?" "do you love her?" check here. and i guess our stations changed or our volume faded all i know is we left so different than we came into this, these lifetimes choose the ones who will educate us and i guess that's how it always is. so i buy a pack of marlboros like i never do and i waste six matches lighting one and think of you under the stoplight of this brooklyn fulton street my anger looks so red and cheap it just crumples up and blows away i'm rooted to the spot, surveying its fading my 8 X 10 is fading i pass a sign on the post, it says "stuffed monkey lost" and i picture some sad face as she twists with empty arms and i understand, cause i remember the day you followed me home. From Letras Mania