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EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!GEORGE R.R. MARTIN!VERSUS!J.R.R TOLKIEN! BEGIN! George:Brace yourself! Gather up your trolls and your soldier elves,And your ents and your orcs, and your wargs and your Stings,Your dwarves and Glamdrings, 'cause there's a new literary Lord in the Ring!My readers fall in love with every character I've written!Then I kill 'em! (Aaaah!) And they're like, "No, he didn't!"All your bad guys die and your good guys survive!We can tell what's gonna happen by page and age five!Tell your all-seeing eye to find some sex in your movies! (Yeah!)Ditch the Goonie and cast a couple boobies!There's edgier plots in that David the Gnome!Your hobbit-hole heroes can't handle my throne! Tokien:Kings, Queens, dragons, dwarves,Horses, fortresses, magic, and swords!You Hob-bit my whole shit, you uninspired hack!You want a war, George? Welcome to Shire-raq!In book sales, you've got nothing to say!I'm number one and two! You're under Fifty Shades of Grey!Letras de cancionesI got the prose of a pro! Your shit's sub-par!You're a pirate! You even stole my "R. R."!We all know the world is full of chance and anarchy!So, yes, it's true to life for characters to die randomly,But news flash: the genre's called fantasy!It's meant to be unrealistic, you myopic manatee! George:I conscientiously object to what you're doing on these beatsIll cut you like my teeth on Beauty and the BeastYou went too deep, Professor Tweed PantsWe dont need the backstory of every fucking tree branch TolkienI cut my teeth in the trenches of the SommeYou LARPed your Santa Claus ass through VietnamAnd its hard for me to take criticism on clothesFrom a dude who sends a raven to say hi to his toes! George:Man, your fat jokes are worse than your pipe smokeMy show's the hottest thing on HBO!Im rock and roll! You're a nerdy little nebbishAnd I may be dirty but you got a hairy foot fetish, dawgEven the names of your characters suck!You got Boffers and Bofurs and BrandybucksI got a second breakfast for all them goofy fucksLift up my gut and Tea Baggins my nuts Tolkien:C.S. Lewis and I were just discussingHow you and Jon Snow both know nothingBecause the backstory to my box office is billionsGot my children makin' billions off my SilmarillionsAnd im more Rock n' Roll than you've ever beenDont believe me? Ask Led Zeppelin!You cant reach this fellow, shit im too towerin'Every time I battle its return of the king! WHO WON?WHO'S NEXT?YOU DECIDE!EPIC RAP AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BATTLES OF HISTORY From Letras Mania